What Will People Say?

Feb 4, 2016 by Jeanette Hanscome

On Monday we celebrated the life of Uncle Mark. The difference he made was reflected in the packed church sanctuary. My cousin Alison did an estimated head count and said at least 400 people showed up. So many guests stayed for the reception afterward that they had to bring out extra tables.

I must confess that whenever I attend a memorial service I think about what mine might be like. What will people say about me? Who will show up? Will my family and friends honor my request for lots of color and no black or gray, unless it’s an accent that really makes the main color pop? (I will finally be seeing colors in Heaven and want that fully celebrated!) Will they tell embarrassing stories about me, like that dorky phase I went through when . . . ? Never mind. Will they carry on the family tradition of open casket viewings, and if so, will Alison make me look “so good”? (Alison’s husband’s family owns the mortuary.)

These things didn’t come to mind as much at Mark’s service. Well, except one question: What will people say about me? Mark did some amazing things, but when friends and family members shared, the theme was his deep faith, love for his wife, kids and grandkids, and Christ-like character. He wasn’t about his accomplishments; he was about relationships, and that’s what came out through in stories. I don’t remember him as my uncle who was a genius; I remember him as the uncle who took time to video tape the crazy plays that my cousins and sisters and I made up, show them to the entire family, and save them as if they were as important as a wedding or baby dedication.

I think all of us left feeling like what mattered to Mark matter a lot more to us. I went into the rest of my week hoping my love for Jesus and for people will far outshine how many books I wrote when it comes time for someone to share what she remembers about being my friend or sister or cousin.

My cousin Michelle shared something powerful during the service that she later posted on her blog and gave me permission to post here. If you could share three things with the world, what would they be? Here is what Mark had to say:

What Dad Would Tell the World – One of the last conversations between a father and his daughter.

On January 9, I sat down with my dad and asked if he could tell the world anything, what would it be?  He said three things…

“Following Jesus doesn’t always lead us to a place where we want to be.”

In fact, I noticed a Lenten devotional from last spring in His bible that said as much.  It seemed God was preparing him before he ever knew he’d be taking this journey.

It’s easy to assume if we follow Jesus and do what’s “right” that it will lead to a “blessing” we expect.  The truth is my dad was angry about cancer at first, and the way it was stealing his life.  He felt cheated and so did a lot of us. There were many dark days.  Yet, through a disease that was taking my dad’s life far sooner than he expected or wanted, he was learning the “blessing of following Jesus was actually Jesus… not necessarily good circumstances. And the gift of following Christ was not his presenTS wrapped up in neat little bows set pristinely upon a shelf. Rather, it was his presenCE that comes near when everything else goes dark and life begins to unravel those pretty bows and burst out of our tidy boxes. I suppose that’s why he also said to me during the same visit,

“Michellie, Don’t fall too in love with the world. Wear it loosely.”

Dad was beginning to understand how his despair (and ours) is often rooted in our commitment to the very temporal and unpredictable things of this place called earth.   We strain after our dreams and demand our rights.  We spend time climbing the corporate ladder, and dusting off old trophies.

But loosening his grip on those things allowed my dad to surrender himself to the story God was writing. He encountered God in that surrender even when the journey did not lead to a place he “wanted” to be.  In the struggle, he found the blessings and goodness of God.  It showed up in the presence of friends who stayed by him as he weathered these last few months?  It sometimes appeared in the night as God brought a company of heavenly hosts to hover and attend him in his fear.  It showed up in care-givers who gently came along side to comfort his pain.  It showed up in strained relationships now made whole. And that was a big deal to him.  My dad said one more thing that day…

He said, “I wouldn’t let lousy relationships go unattended.”

I wouldn’t put off conflict.  I would have been less angry.

I would pick relationships over everything else and I would do it more.

I asked what everything else was and he said, “My rights, my expectations, my ideals, my pride.  There is never a conflict so big that it should eclipse the relationship or our ability to love in it.  Never.”

My dad didn’t say this because he always got it right.  He said it because he did the heart work when he got it wrong.

Lastly, as I consider the eternal home my dad now enjoys, perhaps if he could say anything to us now, he’d tell us how complete and beautiful it is – that what seems incomplete to us now here on earth, is  already made whole in eternity; and God’s promises are all true – every one of them.  He’d tell us God is gloriously good, and how he is at home in His love – a love that is every bit what we’ve imagined, even more!  He’d invite us to taste it, to trust the journey and know that even when it takes us down paths we’d rather not travel, chances are it’s in those dark places where we will find God in the way we’ve always longed to know him.

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