To Those Girls I Overheard Talking: 3 Things I Wish I’d Known
Last weekend, I found myself sitting in a hot tub with three teenage girls as they discussed their future. I’m not sure if confidentiality rules apply to eavesdropping on conversations in hot tubs, so for the sake of privacy I’ll just say, oh my goodness, did I have such unrealistic goals at eighteen? Yes, definitely, just in different ways. But I was also hopeful and excited about the perfect life that God had waiting for me.
It felt strange to sit there knowing the style of my swimsuit probably gave away that I was old enough to be their mom. I sing on worship team with women who are Christian’s age, and these girls were even younger. I knew that some ladies might seize the opportunity to offer those recent high school graduates a gift of unsolicited wisdom, because we all know how special it is when strangers do that, but I knew better. They would bolt for the pool and I would be left alone feeling middle-aged and out of touch with all things cool.
So I’ll give it now.
Your life won’t turn out like you pictured, but it will still be good. At eighteen, I couldn’t wait to become a big star, get married to a wonderful godly man, have four kids, and become one of those moms who baked cookies and didn’t have to work unless she wanted to. I got two great kids, a 22 ½-year marriage that was often difficult and ended in divorce, and I’ve always had to work. I do bake cookies though! Instead of becoming a big star, I got to be a writer, which is a lot more fun and I don’t have to worry about aging out of good roles. It would be crazy for me to say, “This is the exact life I dreamed of as a young girl,” but I wouldn’t trade it.
[bctt tweet=”Your life won’t turn out like you pictured, but it will still be good.” username=”JHanscomeWriter”]
You don’t have to settle. For just any guy, just any job (well, sometimes you have to for a while), just any friend, just any anything. I won’t go into the details of how I learned this, except to say, “I think I’m worth better than this” is not always a sign of entitlement, sometimes it’s a sign of self-respect.
Be careful who you allow to speak into your life. This is exactly why I kept my mouth shut in the hot tub, because I hadn’t earned the privilege of telling three girls I didn’t know how to live based on the portion of information I’d overheard. I am still recovering from decades of letting just anyone tell me what marriage should look like, how to raise my kids, where I should live, how to manage my finances, what they observed about me, which books to stay away from, how to handle conflicts whether or not they understood what happened, and what I must/mustn’t do according to their interpretation of one Bible verse. I thought I had to listen because they were pastors, a counselor, older Christian women, quoted the Bible, or were teaching a series based the best-selling book they wrote. It turns out that having a strong opinion doesn’t necessarily make someone right, and some of those people really messed me up. So here I am at 51, finally finding my voice and learning to trust myself to make wise decisions without a self-appointed mentor’s permission. You don’t want to wait that long. I have people in my life who I go to because I trust their wisdom and take on things, but they are carefully selected, know me well, and always give me credit for being an adult who takes time to pray and consider what Scripture has to say. They also understand that I survived two years as a single mom in Reno without a car in the driveway, so I can probably figure out who to vote for and which foods I want to poison my system with.
I can think of a lot more things I wish I’d known, but then I’ll have to change the title of this post and write another one on what I learned from overwhelming my reader. So just know that no matter what happens, you and any kids you happen to have are going to turn out okay, even when life feels anything but okay.
Oh, and I don’t mean to sound like a mom, but since I am one, that bathing suit would look even cuter with straps on it.
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That is an awesome article. I am so thankful God has blessed you with the ability to put into words in such ab eloquent way what a lot of us wish we could say. Love you, Anita Dennis
Thank you, Anita! Love you too!
But I’m older than you are. Doesn’t that mean I’m perfect and have the right to tell you what to do about everything? 😉
If only wisdom automatically came with age.
Oh, I know. I finally caught on that wisdom comes with learning from experience + a heavy dose of humility.