“So, Where’ve You Been?”

Mar 28, 2020 by Jeanette Hanscome

Years ago, a friend dropped out of my life without explanation. It felt so personal. I tried everything: invites to coffee, cards with long soliloquies about why I appreciated our friendship (hint, hint—we are still friends, right?), cornering her at church events to apologize for anything I could think of in case that was what drove her away. None of it made a difference. She was still too busy to get together.

“Maybe there is something going on in her life,” someone suggested after one of my without-naming-names whine fests.

I heaved a heavy sigh, because when I’m upset, I do cliché things like that. “Maybe.”

But deep down, I knew better. I’d been dumped. I would never do such a thing to a friend. Never!

A few months later, my friend shared some news that caused me to realize, wait, maybe her disappearance wasn’t personal after all. She really did have a lot going on. It was also possible that my attempts to reach out had become a tad overwhelming, but for the sake of this blog post, I learned that sometime friends disappear for reasons that have nothing to do with us.

Face it, we’ve all done it. Sometimes we don’t even know why we dropped out of sight. One thing after another happened and before we knew it, four months had passed since we called that friend, followed through on “Let’s have coffee”…

Or wrote a new blog post.

[bctt tweet=”Sometimes we don’t even know why we dropped out of sight. ” username=”JHanscomeWriter”]

Yes, it has been over four months since I last posted on this blog. In case you’re wondering, you didn’t do anything to cause it and everything is okay with my health and my family. Things just kind of got in the way: the holidays, attending Kathi Lipp’s and Susy Flory’s “Everything Memoir” writing retreat at The Red House, feeling like I’d run out of interesting things to say… Just stuff.

And then we got the shelter in place order, and God started teaching me new things (for example, I’ve learned that when I hear #StayHome until further notice, I stop being a nice person). Everything got canceled, including the writers conference that I’m usually cramming for right now, so I have more time to think and work on my own writing. My brain refuses to function long enough to write much, but at least I have time.

I have felt compelled to contribute to this historic time (because it really is historic)—something besides reacting to “I saw three kids outside today, all standing 4.9 feet apart from each other. Parents, please keep your children #AtHome!” with a diplomatic, “You know, it’s possible that those children were siblings enjoying a few rare moments outdoors. How about if we all try to give one another the benefit of the doubt during this already difficult season?” (When what I really want to say is, “So, where did you find the tape measure that reaches from your window all the way to that family’s yard? On second thought, PM me. If you post it here, everyone will want one and stores won’t be able to keep them in stock.”)

I want to contribute more than snarky overreactions. So that’s what I’ll be blogging about for a while.

It feels good to be back—a reminder that sometimes those friends who disappear for reasons that have nothing to do with us, return to share new things with us.

I look forward to communicating again.

Stay well and safe!