5 Ways to Help a Single Mom

Sep 17, 2015 by Jeanette Hanscome

Since signing the contract to write Suddenly Single Mom, I have spent a lot of time reliving the pain and difficulty of adjusting to parenting alone. I’ll confess that I have had moments that stirred resentment, like the chapter about loss that includes when we had to surrender our crazy dog Belle to the Humane Society knowing the cats would be next. Then I get to the parts where God used someone to make the hard things easier, and I remember once again what a unique circle of support my boys and I had.

While I’m using my experiences to encourage single moms, I thought it would also be fun to offer a few tips for those who might know a single mom and want to be helpful. Here a few things that I especially appreciated.

1. Be willing to help without knowing all the dirt – One of the kindest things a friend did for me early on was help me compile a list of women I could call for rides who didn’t need to know details. There is just something about knowing you are free to share or not share, and that the person is available either way. Eventually the truth became public, but even then I enjoyed an occasional ride in the car that did not include a “What’s the latest?” discussion.
2. Remember her when you shop – I can’t count the number of times another mom called me and said, “I’m heading to Walmart. Do you need anything?” These calls almost always came when I was out of dishwashing detergent or down to the last quarter cup of milk. It felt like a gift to know I had one less errand to run later. Sometimes they let me reimburse them, but usually they didn’t want any money. Either way I appreciated it.
3. Surprise her – Anonymous envelopes with cash or a gift card inside, a friend who dropped off chocolate with the strict instruction, “This is for YOU, not the boys,” a unexpected Birthday celebration with girlfriends, an invitation to lunch after a teary morning at church, taking Nathan for an afternoon, an e-mail request for my son’s school supply list from a friend who wanted purchase them for me—I was on the receiving end of all these acts of kindness and each one made my week. It really doesn’t take much.
4. Let her be a wreck once in a while – Some of my most treasured memories include friends who didn’t try to cheer me up, tell me to trust God as if I hadn’t considered that option, tell me what they would do in my situation, or even quote Bible verses. They just sat and listened, let me use the last of their tissue stash, and gave me a hug. I found that cheering up and trusting God came a lot more easily after a meltdown.
5. Be there for the hard stuff – If you have ever surrendered a pet (because you had to, not because the darling mutt tore up one too many decorative pillows), had a court date, met with an attorney for the first time, or found yourself standing in line for a government service that you never dreamed of needing you know how lonely it feels. I am thankful that, probably because I needed transportation, I never had to walk into any of these places alone. Obviously you can’t always literally be there for a painful process, but knowing a friend is praying, acknowledges how hard it is, and is available to talk afterward means a lot.

As a single mom who has a lot of love to be thankful for, I can tell you every little gesture made a difference. If God puts it on your heart to do something, do it, knowing you can never go wrong by being kind.

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